I have been dealing with a bully and just came across this that I read several months ago - It is so true about the Magical Bully that I am dealing with presently and need help with. Bullies exist everywhere. Magical Bully can also be religious bullies, sport bullies and work bullies.
When you think back to grade school, are your clearest memories of the bullies in your class and their endless and insidious torments? This is probably true of middle school and high school as well. Some things never change, even into adulthood bullies seldom change their ways. Well, I'm here to tell you, the longer we allow the bullying to continue without confronting the behavior, the more it will always continue.
Bullies in Magical Communities
Those of us who belong to a coven or who are active in magical communities no doubt have come in contact with what I call the magical bully. These are people who, like their forebears on the playground, endlessly brag (about all of their magical affiliations) and (as if anyone really cares) seek to "one up" anyone else who will listen to them. They will feign interest in asking you about your training and how you came to the Craft, and the moment you open yourself up they will snicker. Despite the fact that you long ago left the playground behind, the magical bully almost always leaves you feeling down and out of place.In general, the magical bully always has to be heard. They want the first word and the last, even if they contradict themselves or are simply wrong. Whether they actually know more than everyone else doesn't matter, because they are certain they do. Typically, magical bullies see themselves far differently than others actually do--usually as a great benefactor rather than a manipulator. If they are reading this, they will not see that this applies to them.The magical bully criticizes everyone and everything. Their view of life is essentially negative, and eventually no one wants to be around them except those individuals who are just like them. The magical bully is an emotional batterer. You can never do anything right; they are here to correct you and make you better as a result.Ultimately, their goal is to control those closest to them--the magical community they claim to embrace. If you disagree with them, the magical bully will fly into a tirade, perhaps even a rage, until you just shut up and they "win."General Bully Traits
To help you recognize a magical bully, here are some general traits they typically exhibit: The magical bully is: A master liar, especially when confronted. They often will blame others for any misunderstandings. The magical bully excels at deception and should never be given the benefit of the doubt.A charmer. But this is the false charm of a "Jekyll and Hyde" quality. They do not show their vicious side publicly whenever possible, but tell their true feelings to a confidant. They employ harm to gain things they want. It is generally excessive in nature. They are sycophants. Glib, verbose, and says a lot about nothing. In the end, their point is often lost in their wordiness, and you leave feeling they've stuffed your head with a lot of nothing. The bully usually only possesses superficial knowledge, and relies more on hearsay than on actual study.Illogical and flighty, even contradictory, in their thinking, often contradicting themselves. Confront them with the contradictions and watch them squirm.Exceptionally gifted at knowing what someone wants to hear and at presenting convincing arguments.Irresponsible and not to be relied on. The magical bully is not capable of sustaining intimacy in relationships. Emotionally immature. They may speak like an adult, but they react like a five-year-old. Tantrums are not uncommon. Deeply prejudiced, exhibiting a hatred for the opposite sex, of different religions or races. Typically, they try to hide this from the community, though it is often very obvious to everyone. Arrogant and opinionated, yet projects a sense of being untouchable. Rules do not apply to them, though they love imposing rules on others. Compulsive and a control freak. They want to control what you say and do. If you act independently, they will attempt to restrict you and even damage your standing in the community.Ruthless. They will do anything they can to undermine or destroy the standing of the person who sees through their bravado. They usually do this by unconsciously projecting their own character flaws on to this person.Adept at creating conflict between individuals whom they see as their enemies. False in making claims about education, knowledge, expertise, and experience. They live in a false reality and fabricate their existence to be what they really wish it could be. The magical bully is a phony, but excels at presenting a believable self to the community. They also appear to truly believe in this fabrication.Selfish and self-aggrandizing. The magical bully has only self-preservation in mind at all times. They are not a team player. Callous and insensitive to the needs of others. They will gossip, backstab, and start rumors to discredit others. If confronted, they will deny they said anything. A lousy and ungenerous giver. They will never volunteer to do anything for the sake of the community. They'll always be around to "advise," but never to do any sort of work.
Be Magical In Dealing With A Bully
Does this sound like anyone you know? Bullies cause a great deal of stress wherever they live, work, worship, and play. This stress becomes unhealthy for people who have to deal with them on a daily basis. So, the question is: How should we deal with such a person? Is there anything we can do to protect ourselves?First and foremost, once you make a determination based on the character points above, you should not hesitate: vote them out of your coven or community. Do yourself a favor and keep them from threatening you and your spiritual beliefs ever again. And do not let them charm their way back in to your circle or community. They are not going to change. This behavior is a pattern that no doubt goes back to their childhood.
As a special warning to coven and community leaders:
The magical bully will want to be your special friend. They want to have your authority and your respect, but they don't want to work to get it. They will present one face to you and another to your coven members or community. The end result is that your coven members and community will resent you for not seeing through this bully. And once you lose your standing in the coven or community as a result of constantly praising, rewarding, or defending your bully while your coven and community members are being maligned by them, the magical bully will move on to another group or community and will have nothing good to say about you.After reading this, you may be thinking, well, this bully behavior applies to people in my workplace, in my family, and in my circle of friends who have nothing to do with the magical community. All I can say is: Bingo! Bullies are bullies. You must recognize them where you find them and get them out of your life. They are everywhere. The European community is miles ahead of the United States in recognizing the destruction that bullies cause. They have legislation for dealing with such people in the workplace and community. I can only hope the United States will follow their example some time in the near future.
by Shadow Cat,
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